Drunken Quotes thread

[luffy316]

Max: "Ah, Dawn of Cuphead 2."
Matt: "I hear it's the Dark Souls of squad-based rpgs."
Max: "Things were going well until we encountered the ork chapter lead by King Doyce."

[luffy316]

Kevin: "If I take Signature Item, can it be a mustache?"
James: "Youuuu..."

Kevin: "Are mustaches allowed?"

[Capman]

I discovered in the Deathwatch book that a complement of Imperial Guardsmen costs about as much as a space marine helmet, so I'm tempted to take them as signature wargear the next time around.

[luffy316]

Matt: "Chinese people are kind of like dinosaurs."
Charlie: "Explain, Matt. I want to see you dig this hole to China."

[crazon]

Conrad: I'm a werewolf Nick.
Nick: Hilarious Conrad, you had me going there for a sec.
(Conrad places both hands on Nick's shoulders.)
Conrad: Nick.
Nick: Yeah?
Conrad: Actual werewolf.
Max: -Shia Leboeuf.

(dies of laughter.)

[luffy316]

Max: "It's the adventures of the Spooky Boys and Spook Girl! With their sidekick, Spook Dog!"
Ax: "Is 'spook dog' a racist thing?"
James: "Every time we say anything I wonder 'is that a racist thing?"

Ax: "I'm sure he's had some swashbuckling duel with a vampire across the top of a sailboat."
James: "He doesn't like to talk about it except for when he does constantly."

[Sabwones]

Conrad: I'm a werewolf Nick.
Nick: Hilarious Conrad, you had me going there for a sec.
(Conrad places both hands on Nick's shoulders.)
Conrad: Nick.
Nick: Yeah?
Conrad: Actual werewolf.
Max: -Shia Leboeuf.

(dies of laughter.)

I nearly fell the heck over when I got to that part.

(If you don't use the 5th ed monster encounter for Shia Leboeuf in this Innistrad game I will be very sad)

[luffy316]

James: "I'll mute, but mark my words I'll still be making the sheep noise."

[crazon]

Axe: The line is mostly broken up by Ork Bombaz...

(I legit thought Axe said Orkobamas: Ork+Obama. That's gotta be a thing somewhere...)

[luffy316]

Aloysius: "Here, let me light that for you."
Max: "Odette gets out her gun."
Josh: "Like she doesn't have it put all the time."
Kevin: "You turn around and Odette's floating in midair with know knives drawn."
Max: "Them Roundabout starts playing."
Josh: "I was gonna say it!"

James: "I can't hear your last words over the sound of my chainsword."

Alex: "Investigators will show up on the site, see the tire tracks, and say "Well we don't know what happened here, but one things for sure... it was really cool."

James: "I'm only three days from retirement! I can't wait to see my wife and six children!"
Kevin: "My wife and eight kids!"
James: "My My three wives and eighteen kids!"
Josh: "My six wives and three kids!"
James: "Wait a minute..."
Kevin: "I was about to say, the higher the number the less sympathetic this becomes."

[Capman]

Axe: The line is mostly broken up by Ork Bombaz...

(I legit thought Axe said Orkobamas: Ork+Obama. That's gotta be a thing somewhere...)

Canonically the ork tellyporta was invented by the great Orkimedes so anything is possible.

[luffy316]

Max: "How does Misty Step look for you? I imagine it's very different from prayers to an angel."
James: "First a ghost appears and barfs up an obscuring mist!"

James: "For Chill Touch, you just point at him and it starts going 'This is Halloween! This is Halloween!"
Max: "Oh no! He's jamming to it!"

James: "Ahh, ze beauty of ze monster catfish."
Ax: "Jaque wouldn't last ten seconds in fucking Innestrad."

[luffy316]

Matt: "I want my talent to be 'Yo, ghost! Check out my nips."

Obsidian: "You'll pay for this, Johnny No-Legs!"

Josh: "The Drunk and the Ugly have a long history of yelling at guys named Kevin."

Max: "Is his middle initial J or is his middle name Jay?"
Matt: "We don't know! Our own lawyer's never given us his business card so he can't be traced."
Kevin: "I feel like every time we go somewhere, he calls an ambulance to follow us and then he follows the ambulance."

Matt: "I've got ghost cuffs, ghost baton..."
Policeman: "You're not impersonating a ghost officer are you? Because that's a ghost crime."
Matt: "No! No, of course not! And the camera zooms in on him quickly throwing a ghost badge into the garbage."

[luffy316]

Matt: "It's less tactical gear and more of a stripper costume."

Kevin: "I'll say I have one of those novelty sticky hands you get from vending machines, except that it actually works."
Matt: "He thought he was going to end up in the 90s. He came prepared for every era."
Kevin: "I also have this fine stick and basket."

Ryan: "Metaphorical means 'secret,' right?"

Johnny No-Legs: "The tables have turned!"
Obsidian: "I never used any tables!"
Johnny No-Legs: "No, it's an idiom!"
Kevin: "YOU'RE an idiom!"


Matt: "I rolled a one."
Josh: "You accidentally pull out a gun and shoot him."

[Capman]

Matt: "I rolled a one."
Josh: "You accidentally pull out a gun and shoot him."