Drunken Quotes thread

[luffy316]

Kevin: "Gabe will proudly show his star to any pretty woman that walks by. And that's not a euphemism."

Hattie: "I'd rather not set foot in that bar. It smells like worm today."

James: "Who wants to go over to interrupt the festivities?"
Kevin: "Who wants to be Lord Party Wrecker?"
Greg: "Who wants to get booed out of a bar?"
James: "Wouldn't be the first time."

[luffy316]

 Josh: "Clem holds hands but kind of shittily."
Susan: "How do you hold hands shittily?!"
James: "Oh you can hold hands shittily in a number of ways!"
Kevin: "Guillaume falls down a flight of stairs."
James:"You're in a desert!"

[luffy316]

Susan: "No noisy cricket. No noisy cricket. No noisy cricket."
Ax:"They're not going to give you a noisy cricket."
Clem: "Its an actual cricket in a cage. Very loud. It's actually a cicada."

Scientist: "Whatabout you little missy?"
Clem: "How did they know her name?"
Guillaume: "They're the agency. They know these things."
Gabe: "Its like if my name was Pal."
James: "Or god forbid, someone was named You."

Clem: "What if the real monster... is you?"
Greg: "And he slowwwly turns to face Mina."
James: "And then the camera."

Jame: "Papa Mackelhemmy's Old Fashioned Manitou Cracklins."

[luffy316]

Ax: "No one has ever been as American as you are right now."
James: "Flying around on a jetpack shooting two automatic pistols wildly into the air."


James: "That sounds like you get another advertisement for Papa Mackelhemmy's Demon Cracklins!"
Josh: "You know it's fresh because you can still smell the screams. Hear the screams. You can't smell screams. God dammit Josh."
Greg: "You do when you cook em right."
James: "Taste the flavor last known to Sodom and Gomorrah!"
Greg: "Come on down, try our new incu-bites!"
Josh: "Salted just right! Just like Lot's wife!"
Susan: "You all are the worst and I love you for it."
James: "Coupon for a free sodomy!"
All: "WHOA!"
Ax: "Whoa! Whoa!"
James: "I'm sorry. Sodom and Gomorrah."
Ax: "That escalated quickly!"
Greg: "I assumed it was a poorly chosen product name..."
Josh: "Could I get a Gommory instead?"
James: "Yea, can be traded in for a free Gommory."
Ax: "Is that one of those pig things from Jabba's palace?"
Josh: "Yea."
James: "People of Gomorrah! Gommorize each other!"
Greg: "Greeks! Go fetch Felacio! What do you mean 'he's busy?!"
Josh: "Gammorize? Where you get a flying turtle in your face?"
Ax: "Where every friday night is angel's night!"
James: "This just in! Papa Mackelhemmy's has gone bankrupt."
Josh: "He waved his unsexing stick most unsexily..."
James: "We'll probably never be hearing from Mackelhemmy ever again. Bad things happened."
Greg: "The lambs blood didn't go over so great."
James: "This character's gonna be a short-lived one!"
Susan: "It'll end up on the quotes page, no doubt."

[luffy316]

Greg: "Ze only thing stronge zen Guillaume: Guillaume!"

[luffy316]

Missy: "How old are you, Toby?"
Toby: "I'm 16 years old!"
Missy: "Wowwww."
Toby: "I'm not four!"
Clem: "Yea. How's that 'wow?' Good job. You survived to... no wait. He didn't survive."
Guillaume: "I'm twice his age! Where's my trophy? And look at Gabriel."
Gabe: "What ABOUT me? I heard that!"

Missy: "How long have you been like this?"
Manitou: "To my perception, it was a faction of a blink of a-"
Missy: "How many HUMAN YEARS have you been harrowed?!"
Manitou: "How long is a human year?!"

Manitou: "I don't feel like answering this line of questioning."
Missy: "You have to tell me the truth."
Manitou: "I AM telling the truth!"

Clem: "Seriously! What the fuck? Pardon my French."
Guillaume: "Quoi?"

[luffy316]

Guillaume: "I think he hurt less when he was alive."
James: "It might escape."
Gabe: "Yea and when he was alive he wasn't inside your gullet!"
Guillaume: "He was a lot bigger though! Oh my poor gullet..."
James: "What have you done to my gullet?"

[luffy316]

James: "It's a kind of parasite that grows in your intestines called the Texas Tummy Twister. It's got a sort of sarlaac look to it, but in your guts."
Clem: "It's like... y'all ever see that movie Star Wars?"
Guillaume: "Yes, many times. Why?"

McShane: "There's a whole lot of nothin' in Texas."
Missy: "Don't let Texas hear you say that."
McShane: "They know it. They're proud of it. They've got more nothin' than any other state."

[luffy316]

Gabe: "Ahh, asbestos. Is there anything you can't do?"

[luffy316]

Ax: "A tragedy in five acts!"
James: "Also known as National Lampoon's Family Vacation."

[luffy316]

James: "I like that you're asking this in a southern accent."
Josh: "I can't... listen..."
Kevin: "You can't just turn it off!"
Josh: "You start Clemin' and you don't stop Clemin'."
James: "Have the Mormons invented underwear yet?"
Greg: "Ya hit the ground Clemin?"
Josh: "It didn't make sense not to Clem for fun."
James: "I get it!"

[luffy316]

Josh: "Oh no, it's a marijuana selkie. It's that bud!"
Susan: "I mean marijuana was a thing. We are near Mexico.."
Josh: "I know. It's that bud given life."
Ax: "You shall have curses upon you numbering 4 and 20."
Gabe: "I prefer softer stuff like cocaine myself."

[luffy316]

Josh: "Aw no. Oh no have we found Shit Narnia?!"
Greg: "WHAT?! Shit Narnia?!"
Josh: "Yea. Shit Narnia."
Kevin: "Oh sure. The real one's so great."
Greg: "The reverse one where only old people can see it?"

[luffy316]

Josh: "General Shouting. I remember him from the war."

James: "That's the least decent exposure I've ever seen."

James: "They day to be yourself but what if yourself is terrible."

[luffy316]

James: "I am overjoyed that this was the session you talked about selkies the most in because I was planning this before the thing started."
Clem, horrified: "...what the hell is that thing?!"