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Topics - Sabwones

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The Arts / The Freida Games
« on: December 08, 2016, 05:44:31 AM »
Okay, so there's this site where you can randomly generate a Hunger Games event - with people from various Districts, events, yadda yadda yadda. It's cool - but the really fun part is that you can take everything, the contestants, the events, etc, and change them to whatever you see fit. So I thought to myself; "Hey, I really liked Fredia's, why don't I do something with those guys?"

So I did.

Now, what you're gonna see here was actually a test run before I changed any of the events, as I originally wanted to re-skin this as a 'prank war', hence the title, but the end result of the trial run was so good, I just had to share.


The Reaping
Spoiler: show

I figured it'd make sense to put couples into the same District, then anyone with good relationships with their Monster, then just anyone I could think of. I'm sorry, but I couldn't find pictures of some people, so y'all gonna get somethin' from the sack for those last two guys...

The Bloodbath
Spoiler: show

Amazingly, the Bloodbath is actually quite free of bloodshed - with most everyone simply grabbing gear and legging it - George and Hammerstein apparently planning a fishing trip together.
Meanwhile, Molly wastes no time in showing she's not fucking around by hunting down and straight-up murdering an MIB agent.
Damn girl, what the fuck.

Day 1
Spoiler: show

Also, please stop bullying Thoth, guys.

Day 1's Fallen

Alas, poor expendable mook, we hardy knew ye.

Night 1

The night is fairly quiet, apart from the swift and brutal demise of not one but two monsters, plus Julie (as George giveth, so he taketh away), at the hands of 'Team Awkward Love Triangle'.
No, not that one. The other one.
I mean the other one.
Dammit, you know what I mean.
Meanwhile, in a secluded clearing, Fenix Romeo's the fuck outta there.

Day 2
Spoiler: show

Two more deaths on Day 2 - George stumbles into Mann's 'trap' (presumably standing there with her mouth open) and gets nailed, but that's nothing compared to the scale of August's fuckup, leaving Emma to die.
Son, now you got that Scott rage comin'.
Ya fucked up.
In other news, Yuji and Tim have a slingshot-off.

Day 2's Fallen

Two monsters down on Day 2 (maybe three, depending on your views on George), and the cast of ISS is practically wiped off the map, but not without the loss of some major characters.
It's been a busy couple of days, I guess.

Night 2

With the herd pretty well thinned, it's time to set up camp for the night. Although Molly is sharing a camp with two traumatized child soldiers and a literal God of darkness, nightmares and knives, she still tells the freakiest story.
In other news, Scott displays a remarkable rebound from the death of his girlfriend by trying to snake Caleb out from under Manny's nose. The SWINE.

Day 3
Spoiler: show

After the carnage of the last couple of days, the group finally has a chance to assess the damage. Condor, having lost George, decides to have Odyn take her out, but naturally, that shadowy bastard's not in the mood to help anyone.
Meanwhile, Molly stalks a sentient catfish. Sounds about right.

Day 3's Fallen

All quiet on the Western front. The men with the cannons nip out for a quick smoke while it's quiet.

Night 3

The night brings introspection and the gnawing teeth of doubt into the group.
Scott and Etsu (quite rightly) question their sanity, while Tim damn near has a breakdown.
Can we drop Dr. G in there? These kids need a hug in between all the murder.
No? Oh. Right.

Day 4
Spoiler: show

Ty, despite being a powerful psychic, is defeated by poor instructions on his landmine.
"Frond towards enema? What does tha- *BLAM*

Day 4's Fallen

With Ty gone, we can finally strike 'Arena destroyed in a colossal shockwave of psi energy' from the sweepstakes board. sorry, guys.

Night 4

In light of what just happened, Jingles is immediately suspicious of why someone would send her a bomb.
Not cool, guys.

Day 5
Spoiler: show

The day of 'Anything you can do, I can do better' as Tim and Nele construct wildly different qualities of shack, Yuji and Jingles go spear fishing (in the distance, Namazu screams in horror) and August goes flower picking with Shawty.
Meanwhile, someone sends Odyn a bomb. I think there's someone out there who just wants people to blow themselves up.
Damn cheap-ass Chinese knock-off landmines.

Day 5's Fallen

The producers pace nervously around the control booth. NOTHING'S HAPPENING GODDAMNIT.

Night 5

Another peaceful night of storytelling, singing songs and-
...dammit, Etsu.

Day 6
Spoiler: show

Dawn of day 6 sees yet another explosive enter the arena, this time into the hands of Caleb, perhaps the only guy thus far who might have an idea of how to use it, what with all the GTA.
In other news, Nele chases Odyn through the forest, screaming obscenities and wielding a brick in a sock.

Day 6's Fallen

Etsu, apparently believing that being Japanese is like being a Highlander, ensures than can be only one via a butter knife to the brain stem.
Damn, girl. Harsh.

Night 6

August, bro, she's, like, 12. What the fuck.
Night 6 is indeed the night of furious snuggling, with August probably now on some kind of register, Namazu somehow negotiating some zombie cuddles from Jingles, Caleb and Shawty sharing a tender moment together, and Tim mentally scarring everyone as he plays the big spoon to the Creepy Mall Santa.
This might explain why Nele's screaming for help.

Day 7
Spoiler: show

Jingles does her best 'corpse hidden in a bush' impression, which obviously works pretty well.
Mann is sent even more explosives in a desperate attempt to make something happen.

Day 7's Fallen

One of the cannoneers is hauled away from the podium after bellowing "KILL SOMEONE YOU LAZY LITTLE BASTARDS!"

Night 7

While Nele dreams of being in a fridge, Namazu is caught by Condor and killed. The delicious aroma of grilled catfish fills the area.
I mean, it's tragic, but damn, that smells fine.

Day 8
Spoiler: show

While Caleb discovers that he really should have watched The Princess Bride, Mann is ambushed by a couple of gangly white boys and eviscerates them both.
In other news, Odyn finally manages to scare someone, and Molly decides to spare Scott the indignity of being murdered by a grade-schooler.



Day 8's Fallen

I call today's list of the fallen 'A bunch of idiots who got their own dumb asses killed...and Namazu'.

Night 8

Night 8 is the night of 'DUDE NO DON'T LET THEM IN' as Shawty allows Molly to enter his cabin, forgetting rule #1 of vampires and scary little girls, while Scott rebounds yet again, this time with...Odyn?
Boy, he's no good for you. You can do better.
Like, Shawty's a cool dude.

Day 9
Spoiler: show

Day 9 sees our tributes stalking in search of prey. However, as they both decided to go clockwise around the arena, nobody finds anyone else.
In other news, Molly walks into a tree.

Day 9's Fallen

Another day, another complete lack of anybody killing anybody. This is looking less like the Hunger Games and more like a crappy holiday in the mountains.

Night 9

The night is long and full of...chatting. Shawty invites Manny over for tea and biscuits, while group's monsters, birds and monster-birds discuss optimal strategies for killing motherfuckers.

Day 10
Spoiler: show

As yet more explosives are airdropped into the arena (you think these kids would take the hint), Condor 'treats' Etsu's wounds. Which is to say, Etsu gets to enjoy a nice honking slab of Mayan Fire God flesh.


Condor. Honey. Darling. In a pitch-black arena, you're the only one there who literally has their own built in light source...and you still blunder into something?
No sympathy. Get out.

Day 10's Fallen

Good night, sweet Condor.
You blind bastard.

Night 10

Night 10 is full of surprises - Jingles beats the tar outta Scott, but lets him go. Molly, at this point confirming that she's some kind of dormant incarnation of an Elder God or something, whoops Odyn, only to let him flee as well.
The best surprise of all, though, is Manny finally running into Mann, along with Nele and having an awesome time explaining to his Mom what 'Blood Rhino' is.
For real, this one scene made the whole thing worth it for me.

The Feast
Spoiler: show

With new goodies available, the group fight over resources. Scott makes the near-Tales from the Wood mistake of trying to get between a Devil and her meat. Jingles makes the...I suppose re-Tales from the Wood mistake of seeing Manny with an armful of bombs and shouting 'Hey! Let me have one of those!' and Shawty caves under the pressure and implodes himself.
RIP, son.

Day 11
Spoiler: show

Day 11: Day of the Tree.
With everyone armed to the teeth, fed, watered and ready for action, the most severe injury of the day is Nele scratching himself on some bushes.
In the control booth, the director cracks open another bottle of scotch and weeps into his sandwich.

Day 11's Fallen

Tonight, we mourn the loss of our greatest source of sass, Jingles, and the loss of our most expensive voice actor, James Earl Jones (aka Shawty).

Night 11

The loss of Jingles and Shawty is felt by all, falling into a state of mourning...apart from Molly, who frags Odyn with a hand grenade.
Seriously, Molly scares the shit out of me.

Day 12
Spoiler: show

Unable to channel his rage into avenging Emma, Scott takes on two of the most dangerous kids still in the game and wipes the floor with them.
Then again, Mann's still in play.
Scott, I think you just fucked up.

Day 12's Fallen

Damn. One of the biggest bads, one of the fan favorites and that other chick are all out. We're close. You can smell it. All but the tough, the lucky and the downright insane are left standing.
It's anyone's game.

Night 12

That night, Nele is visited by the hatchet fairy.
Scott lies awake, realizing the gravity of his mistake.
Mann is going to destroy him.

Day 13
Spoiler: show


Day 13's Fallen

Four tributes.
Four hatchets.
One day to go.

Night 13

As the grim reality of their situation becomes inescapable, Mann and Nele share one last peaceful night together.
Molly, on the other hand, remains a complete bastard and destroys all of Scott's stuff.

Day 14
Spoiler: show

So it comes to this. Molly, Nele and Mann throw themselves into a melee, with Mann's fury seeing her beat out the other two. She must avenge her son. She must find Soctt and make him pa-
*distant explosion and muffled squawk*
...well, shit.

Day 14's Fallen

Whether through honorable combat or instant karma, our final three go down, leaving one survivor...

The Winner

Mann is the last one standing, but at a tragic cost.
Ending D: Phyrric Victory

The Tale Of The Tape
Spoiler: show

Despite a fairly bloody conflict, most of the kills were only amongst a few tributes - Mann taking the clear lead with 5, followed by Etsu with 4, then Nele and George with 3. Basically all the people with borderline psychotic/sociopathic tendencies killed a lot of people.
Who'd-a thunk it?

Anyway - I hope you enjoyed this rambling descent into RNG-fuelled bullshit. I know I did.


General Discussion / What Are You Watching?
« on: October 21, 2016, 03:57:07 PM »
Right, I was holding off' making a general thread of this, but with Westworld and now Black Mirror hitting my screen at high velocity, I just have to ask:

What are you guys watching? What do you love? Hate? Recommend?

I haven't started this new season of Black Mirror yet, but if you fair American folks haven't seen any of it, I can't recommend it highly enough. It's this generation's Twilight Zone, only more alarmingly prescient and relatable. People comparing 'The Waldo Moment' to the rise of Trump aren't far off the mark.

My personal recommendations would be (in no particular order):

* The National Anthem
* White Bear
* The Waldo Moment
* Be Right Back
* 15,000,000 Merits

They're all self-contained short films, designed for snacking on rather than binging.

Oh, and make sure you have someone nearby to hug and/or talk to after watching. It can get...intense.

General Discussion / Games Of The Non-Tabletop Variety
« on: September 08, 2016, 03:56:42 PM »
So, since there's a HUGE sale going on with Steam regarding Focus's catalogue (which includes a lot of Games Workshop tie-ins, hence my elaborate segue) I figure now's the time to throw out the question:

What'cha playing? Hidden gems, golden oldies, obscure indie titles or big bold AAA-titles, if you're playing it, let's rant about it.

Right now I'm just coming to the close of Hard West and I honestly can't recommend it enough if you're into that genre, or if you enjoyed XCOM but felt the RNG side of thigns was kinda bullshit. The way they get around this is with 'Luck', which erodes each time you're shot at, meaning you're likely to dodge a shot if you have your Luck intact, but even the most desperate pot-shot will help make an enemy easier to hit later on.

It's such a great little twist to the concept of chance-to-hit and I wish more games would implement it.

Plus, you know, it's touched on everything from the Antichrist to Frankenstein by way of Lovecraftian Horror, so there's that, too.

Tabletops and You / Viscera Cleanup Detail - The RPG
« on: August 31, 2016, 04:30:13 PM »
Howdy all. Me again.

So this evening, in a fit of unchained productivity, I've concocted an idea for a dice-centric game based around the premise of Viscera Cleanup Detail. The dust has settled, the bodies have cooled and the badass hero has saved the day. You're the zero-hour-contract schlubs tasked with cleaning up the mess, destroying the evidence and trying not to die from anything the hero might've missed during their killing spree.

The basic game idea is:

You have Messes, Projects and Threats.

Mess: A big room, heap of crap or other thing you need to clear away. Represented by a heaping pile of dice. To clean them away, you select up to four of the dice and roll them. A 3+ and it's gone. Anything less...and they spread. A handful of 1d4s can get out of hand very quickly...

Project: Non-essential crap the company wants you to do, represented by an empty space for you to add dice to. You can up to four dice of any type...but the GM can try to tempt you into cutting corners or outright failing for some loot, experience or something else you desire.

Threat: A Project with a short fuse and nasty repercussions. An ominous sound in the vents. A weird beeping coming from that probably-defused bomb. That corpse getting up and shambling around. Resolved like a Project, but when it boils over, bad things happen.

The idea would be to work against a timer of some description to clear the Mess, squash Threats and complete as many Projects as possible.

Rules thus far are here.

Any thoughts? Suggestions? Might want to run this at some point to see how it flows.

Now please wash your hands.

Forum Roleplaying / Character Bank 2.0
« on: July 10, 2016, 06:40:27 AM »
New thread for the new forum, here's the link for the old Sordid Dystopia thread should people want to migrate character info from there to here.

Also, minor, somewhat stupid idea, but maybe we could set some write-a-character challenges for events/systems/holidays for people to go nuts with.

Anyway, let's rock.


Milo Cooper & Camera Obscura

Spoiler: show
Name: Milo Cooper
Age: 14
Appearance: Short and slight with very short-cut brown hair - missing his left leg just below the knee, which he supports with a crutch. Frequently wears a drab green oilskin coat, pockets stuffed with various pens, books and other junk.
Personality: A little quiet and stilted, still getting used to his missing limb, but puts on a brave face for his Nan. Often ends up just listening in on other people's conversations, not in a creepy way, just because people are interesting. Listening to their problems makes him forget his own.
Favourite Things: Graphic Novels (not comic books, yes, there's a difference), Photography (still getting the hang of that, but it's fun), Weird History (people were fuckin' crazy back then).
Darkest Secret: Milo lost his leg after the derelict building he was exploring collapsed with him inside. That much is true. The stuff with the ghosts and the weird-ass camera he fought them off with? Better not worry Nana Coop with all that...
Relationships: Journalistic Integrity x2, Nana Coop x2, The Truth x1, Rehab x1, Camera Obscura x 1 (Bond)

Feet: 1
Tactical Falling Over/Dodge: 1 P.E.: 0 Kicking: 0
Guts: 4
Courage: 3 Wind: 0 Wrestling: 0
Hands: 3
Photojournalism: 1 Shop: 1 Punching: 0 Blocking: 0
Brains: 4
Notice: 2 Out-think: 2 Remember: 2
Face: 3
Charm: 2 Connive: 1 Putdown: 0

Monster/Device: The Camera Obscura

Appearance: A ratty old pale blue Polaroid Instant Camera, dented and scratched and partially scorched, it looks like it went through a world of trouble and back again. The viewfinder and lens always seem to shimmer slightly, as if they weren't glass, but living eyes. People with sufficient insight, or those who use the device for long enough, begin to see many of its features as strangely organic in composition, as if it were something made out of parts of something else. Something alive.
Personality: Curious, patient, calculating, learning. It's waiting for something, although it may not know what itself.
Favorite Things: Strong emotions (positive or negative), drama, beauty, secrets. It craves insight and knowledge, but has an appreciation for the beauty of a moment in time, and how people may fight to preserve it. Also appreciates a good natural vista or two.
Trivia: The Camera Obscura is very, very old, and yet at the same time, very young. It's a piece of something vast and ancient, harnessed by some dickweed sorcerer back in times of yore, but in doing so it gained independence from the rest of it. Although it still has the potential of a great, unthinkable cosmic horror, it's been spending the decades viewing the world through a lens, observing people in all stages of life and emotion. It's curious, maybe even a little sympathetic to the weird pink things people insist on pointing it at, but mostly interested in this world and why everything seems hell-bent on obliterating it.

1-2: Flashbulb "Photobomb!" (D/U: Wicked Fast x2, Awesome x2)=6d
3-4: Film "1,000 Words" (U: Awesome x2, Sharing x1)=7d
5-6: Hand Grip "Get A Grip" (A/D: Gnarly x1, Tough x2, Sharing x1)=5d
7-8: Viewfinder "Gotcha" (U: Wicked Fast x2, Awesome x1)=7d
9-10: Shutter & Lens "My Little Eye" (A/U: Wicked Fast x1, Sharing x1)=7d

Stats Expanded
Being, y'know, an inanimate hunk of junk, the Camera Obscura had to work out some ways of defending itself, and what better way than using what it's already got? One quick thumb on the 'Ultra-Flash' setting and the camera's flashbulb goes off like a flashbang grenade (Defense), disorienting and blinding anyone stupid enough to be nearby when it goes off. The button's a little tricky, though - sometimes it just goes off all by itself, often at a convenient moment (Useful).
"1,000 Words"
The Camera Obscura was designed to one thing, which when you hear it, makes you think "what the hell do the regular ones do?". It takes pictures of what's there, what's really there. The pictures range in quality and practicality from deciphering languages into something the owner can understand, or giving insight into the emotions, secrets or influences behind whatever or whoever is being photographed (Useful), but the more emotionally powerful or charged the scene, the less reliable the pictures become. Or, maybe more accurately, they just begin to reflect things waaaaaay more accurately. Just not in a way a photograph can handle.
"Get A Grip"
You know how it is. Kids are jerks. Sooner or later, someone's going to try and nab that camera you've been playing with. Big mistake. The leather grip fits just right, especially when the user feels threatened, effectively becoming an extension of their arm that can absorb incoming harm (Defense), or dish it out like a thick, leathery knuckleduster (Attack).
It can be tricky, getting that perfect shot, finding that elusive subject, capturing that elusive moment in time. Weird how whenever you have a goal in mind, the viewfinder has an uncanny ability to draw the eye to wherever it needs to be just in the nick of time (Useful).
"My Little Eye"
Ever get the feeling that you're staring down the barrel of a gun when someone's taking your picture? If so, either A) You're paranoid and should probably get out more, or B) You really are staring down the barrel of a weapon - one that can snip off little shreds of your life-force with the click of a shutter (Attack). What's more, whatever it takes, it remembers, tracking the source like a bloodhound with its very own scented rag (Useful).

Eli Patchworth & The Organ Grinder

Spoiler: show
Kid's Name: Elizabeth 'Eli' Patchworth

Age: 15

Appearance: A bit bigger and rounder than kids her age would typically be, since moving to town from the countryside, Eli's felt increasingly less comfortable wearing anything less than big jumpers and long jeans to hide her shape as much as she possibly can. COME ON, LOVE, A BIG ARSE NEVER HURT ANYONE. APART FROM THAT ONE TIME IN ISTANBUL, AND THAT WAS A MIDGET, SO THAT HARDLY COUNTS.

Personality: Big, brash, often very dogged in her opinions, Eli has a hard time making friends, since most of the other girls she's seen look thin and pretty and totally know it PRESUMABLY THE ONLY THING THEY KNOW, LOVE, RIGHT?, and how the hell is she supposed to compete with that when you're born with shoulders like a forklift? SUPLEXES. ALL OF THEM. After living a quietly happy life in the isolated countryside, city life has brought a ton if sudden insecurities crashing down on her life. It fucking SUCKS.

Favourite Things: The great outdoors, eating food & cooking it, being right, not feeling like trash.

Darkest Secret: Eli didn't exactly find Mr G. The whole thing with that was clouded with fear and anger and blood - Mr G seemed to be grateful that she...I guess 'rescued' him is gonna have to do. All Eli knows is that she killed more than one person in order to do it, and she honestly didn't feel a damn thing while doing it. That's probably not good. Something about a carnival in the woods. Games. The kind you don't want to lose.

Relationships: Wanda (Mother) x2 I COULD BE A BETTER MOTHER THAN THAT BOSSY TROLLOP., Good Ol' Home Cooking x1, The Hunt x2, Mr G 'The Organ Grinder' x1 (Bond) ONLY ONE? IS THAT ALL I GET? YOU UNGRATEFUL GIT.

Feet: 3
Dodge: 1 P.E.: 1 Kicking: 0
Guts: 3
Courage: 2 Wind: 1 Wrestling: 0
Hands: 4
Marksmanship: 2 Shop: 2 Punching: 1 Blocking: 0
Brains: 3
Notice: 2 Out-think: 2 Remember: 0
Face: 2
Charm: 0 Connive: 0 Putdown: 1

Monster: The Organ Grinder (a.k.a. Mr G)

Appearance: Urbane, eloquent, aloof - Mr G is absolutely none of these things. HOW BLOODY DARE YOU, I- OH. RIGHT. Frequently seen with a drink, smoke or both on the go, The Organ Grinder is a monument to fallen fame, wearing threadbare ringmaster clothes, his tophat battered and broken. Although not immediately monstrous in appearance, on closer inspection his bloodshot eyes are actually completely blood red, and by that point, you've probably noticed the long, gangly limbs that reach much farther than a normal person's should, and if you're that close, you better hope he's in a good mood, otherwise you're lunch.

Hiding: Mr G is not a complicated kind of guy. If he needs to go away, he simply grabs on the brim of his top hat and yanks it down to his feet. He would appreciate it is Eli would wear it around with her, but she doesn't like the idea of him sitting on her head. In a pinch, his fingers sprouts from inside the hat, allowing him to scuttle around like a crab.

Personality: Pretty much flip-flops between grouchy hangover and psychotic maniac depending on the situation. Should there be an opportunity to raise a little hell, terrify some idiot mortals, or heaven forbid, someone takes a shot at Eli, he's a cackling murder machine of pithy asides and limb removal (often his own). When the situation is otherwise more peaceful, he returns to his more genuine state of a put-upon uncle looking after a cute, yet mildly annoying niece. He cares for Eli, and he does abide by her rules of not murdering absolutely everyone, but this girl really needs to get over some personal problems. FUCK MY LUCK IF I'M THE ONE WHO'S GOT TO GIVE HER LIFE ADVICE. MY GOD.


Trivia: The Organ Grinder used to be a legendarily nightmarish type of boogeyman, the one who caught all the kids who ran away from home who wanted to join the circus - except they joined his troupe of lost souls instead. AH, THE GOLDEN AGE BEFORE ALL THOSE PESKY CHILD LABOR LAWS. GOOD TIMES. His power, while subtle, was absolute within his domain, and his circus would travel the world, putting on fabulous shows of danger and splendor, totally unrelated to all those disappearances that kept happening at around the same time. Nothing to do with that officer, don#t know what you're on about. It was only when a very unusual boy walked into the Organ Grinder's trap that the tables turned - when Mr G encountered a will that was greater and more terrible than his own. ...CAN WE MOVE ON? PLEASE? Fine. Don't look at me like that. You can't do 'cute'. It looks like a dead puppy's head.

1: Dancing Shoes (D/U: Wicked Fast x1, Sweet x1)=2d
4-6: Buckets O' Guts (D/U: Immunity: Disembowelment, Tough x3, Sharing x1)=9d
7-8: Light Fingers (A/U: Wicked Fast x2, Awesome x1, Sweet x1)=5d
9: Leering Gob (U/U: Awesome x1)=3d
10: Born Entertainer (U: Sweet x1, Sharing x1)=3d

Stats Expanded
Dancing Shoes
Keeping a circus troupe of damned souls is a busy job, and Mr G is fast enough to keep up the pace when the situation demands it, whether that involved dodging the odd thrown bottle, brick or bullet (Defense), or wowing the crowd with footwork that would make Fred Astaire hang up his spats, go off somewhere quiet and shoot himself (Useful). WOW. THAT GOT DARK. Sorry.
Oh God. Okay. So he's called The Organ Grinder for a reason, and NO IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF HIS PENIS. Goddamn. His first and often only tool of choice for problem solving his is Organ, a hand-cranked cross between a music box, meat mincer and blunderbuss. Loaded by, well, packing it full of meat, more often than not the bodies of whoever might have annoyed him lately, the Organ has an almost limitless capacity, having at one point contained twenty men, several dogs and a cow without gaining any additional weight (Useful), before regurgitating them back out through the mincer as a barrage of ballistic blood, bone and viscera (Attack).
Buckets 'O Guts
Hey, nobody's perfect. Sometimes you get in the way of the knife thrower, or piss off the lion tamer and all of a sudden there's big hole where your abdomen used to be. Thankfully, Mr G has guts to spare, and often does, hamming up any opportunity to gush forth torrents of his own blood, guts and colorful language should he come to harm, while deftly disguising the fact that he's not actually hurt at all (Defense), or in a pinch, use his capacious guts to swallow and regurgitate anything that needs to be moved around incognito (Useful). It's not pretty, and the swallowed party does have the option of chestburstering their way back out if they really want to try, but it's harmless. Just very, very traumatizing. STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC. PARTIAL DIGESTION BUILDS CHARACTER - EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.
Light Fingers
When you're part of the show, you've got be versatile, you've got to be good enough with your hands that you can dazzle your audience with nothing but a coin or deck of cards (Useful) or, if they're getting a bit rowdy, pluck their eye out (Attack) and swallow it like a quail egg. That'll teach them not to heckle.
Leering Gob
Never one to grasp the concept of 'indoor voice' when shouting is so much more amusing, Mr G can employ his booming great voice to draw all eyes to him, (Useful) or single out a particular victim for a hellish series of curses, insults and rebukes that leave most simple mortals in tears (Useful). AND YET, NOT A SINGLE 'YOUR MOTHER' JOKE. I HAVE STANDARDS, AFTER ALL.
Born Entertainer
It might be easy to forget, but for all his murderous and demented antics, The Organ Grinder is first and foremost a showman of the highest caliber, even if recent events have had him out of practice for quite a while. Still, he knows how to capitalize on a situation to get feet stomping, hands clapping and voices raised in joyful song. When The Organ Grinder plays his tune, the dancefloor is the only place to be (Useful). AS A GREAT MAN ONCE SAID, LEAVE 'EM WITH A SONG. GOODNIGHT, EVERYBODY!

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